I carry your heart.

I carry your heart with me. I carry it in my heart.
I am never without it, anywhere I go you go, my dear
and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling.
I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet).

I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you.

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud,
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart.

I carry your heart. I carry it in my heart.


by E. E Cummings



Feeling a little speechless today.. It is in moments like these that I'll look for someone else's beautiful words to use. Thank you, Mr. Cummings.

I miss you Marie. Rest in peace.

I woke up this morning and the sun was shining into my room. It shone right through the curtains, leaving this yellow-pinkish bright light that could make anyone feel like as if they were in heaven. Atleast I did. While I was eating breakfast, I heard Wonderwall on the radio. Not only is it a beautiful song, it's that kind of song that brings back memories that you had almost forgotten about. Beautiful memories. You just can't help but smiling..

I decided to make something out today day, so I went out for a long walk in the sunshine bringing along my four-legged friend. The weather is perfect outside. The air is so crisp, the snow is white and soft. The sky is crystal clear, and never have I seen the ocean so blue. I walked in total amazement, forgot to look out and stepped in this pile of snow. My sneakers got soaking wet, my hands freezing from trying to brush off some of the snow, but I'm still smiling. I'm smiling because Wonderwall is still in my head and so are the memories. It's exactly two weeks ago.. Two weeks since I came back from the greatest vacation of my life. I know I promised some of you I'd tell you about it.. Life got rather hectic after I got back and I never got around to do it. I guess now would be a good time..? Sure it is. Because today is beautiful and it feels like I'm bursting with memories.

The whole trip didn't start off too good. It's got to be something about me and travelling because something always goes wrong. Always. Everything went well from Norway to Germany.. I came to Frankfurt about 8 hours before the plane was scheduled to go.. It felt like a lifetime. It's quite a big airport and getting lost is very easy.. I walked around, ate, walked some more, ate again, read a book, met some people and read another book. It was getting close to 11 pm and I couldn't waite to board the plane and get the hell away from that airport. As I'm standing in line to board one of the ladies behind the counter shouts out in part german/part english that the plane is full. Apparently it was overbooked, and the lady did a couple of lousy attempts to try and apologize.. I didn't understand much of anything and after like 5000 questions from different people she just told us we had to waite for the next plane and to get a hotel... It was almost midnight, I was all alone and I had no idea what to do. I walked for like 20 minutes, found someone to tell me the way to the baggage claim and went there. I was told that my luggage was somewhere in the airport, but they wouldn't be able to get it until the next day. Just great. It was now past midnight, I had no clothes or personal belongings whatsoever and I was too tired to find a hotel. I was given this little emergency-kit with a toothbrush and a t-shirt and tried to find a comfortable place to sleep... I found a cold wooden bench sitauted next to a squeaky escalator and tried my best to make my bookbag into a pillow-like thing. Janitors and random people walked by me like very 5th minute and trying to sleep was impossible. I kind of gave up before I even tried. I think I slept for like a total 4 hours. I probably could have slept longer if it wasn't for the fact that I was about to freeze to death. Airports are cold. I tried thinking happy thoughts, but I think I was just too tired for it to work. Just another 23 hours and I'd be on the plane. Yay.

The day went by slowly, but not as bad as I thought at first. I already knew my way around there pretty well so getting lost wasn't an issue anymore. I sat in this restaurant for the most part, either reading or listening to music. I also spent quite a lot of time in the Duty Free, I really had the perfect excuse for being there.. Come on now, who wouldn't?

The clock finally got to 11 and I could get on board. Don't think I've ever been more excited about a plane, to tell you the truth.. Lucky as always, I was placed by the emergency exit. This flight attendant came over to me and basically told me if the plane crashed it was my responsibilty to open the door and get everyone out. Fantastic. The flight from Frankfurt to Brazil was estimated to no less than 15 hours. Just fucking great.

Moving on.. After about 15 hours in the exact same position we landed inBrazil and I got to stretch my legs. I changed plane and got safely to Chile. Julie and Valentina were both waiting for me outside the airport and everything was bliss. I hadn't seen them since we all left the States and it was amazing being back with them.

Chile is one beautiful country. It looks really odd. It's such a narrow, long country - but it has absolutely everything you can imagine. The Andes-mountains looked dramatically beautiful from the air - never have I seen any mountain rise from the clouds like that. The weather was warm and sunny, the scenery was varied and just absolutely stunning. The past part of it thought, were the Chilean people. They were so welcoming, so generous and always there to help you. Val's family threw us a huge welcomeparty with lots of food and drinks - we ate enough food to feed an entire army, I'm sure. Her family also had a maid, who did everything for us. She was a very sweet Chilean lady that gave us breakfast in bed every morning, cleaned our room and did the bed, made like a 3 course lunch and dinner everyday and made sure we got around alright.

Our days in Chile was filled with fun from morning till late night. We went seightseeing around the city, visited various 'tourist-attractions', we went down this 200 year-old coal mine, we went to restaurants and cafees, did some shopping, went to the beach and we hit some clubs as well. Exhausted, sweaty and happy we walked home at around 6 in the morning. I would have loved to live like that..

Concepciòn isn't much of a tourist-city, which we found out quite early. It was a huge city, but absolutely everyone was very South American-looking. Definitely no cultural melting pot at all. I didn't see one blond person except myself on that entire trip. It sounds crazy, I know. Where ever we went, everyone kept staring. It felt really uncomfortable at times, but I guess this is the only thing I can complain about. Everyone looked at you as if you were some God. Busdrivers honking their horns, streetsellers trying to bribe you with cheap stuff or people screaming "Jessica Simpson!" after you on the street.. Arrrg. But then again, I guess it was a good thing that everyone was "native" because I really got to see what it's like to live as a South American. I definitely got an insight in how different countries can be, but at the same time - how similar. South America sounded so distant and unknown to me at first, but once I got there.. I realized - everything was pretty much the same as in Europe. Some differences of course, but if you look a little bit beneath the surface, beneath their golden skin and dark eyes you realize that it's not that distant at all.

I can't express to you how much I love travelling. Not just going places for amusement - but also just as much to learn. To see the world from a different angle, experience all the differences, all the similarities, see how people live and love eachother. You realize that whatever your home country is - it isn't necessarily the center of the world.

I've been home for about two weeks now and I'm already eager to get up and leave again. I'm ready for another adventure.

That's a hell of a long journal entry.. Read all that - and you deserve some kind of award.

Everything is just crazy.

I really thought that after Christmas.. everything would settle down and just go back into normal. I was wrong - very wrong. Things have just piled back up again and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. All I can do is sit back and watch it topple over.

I really wish I could be a kid again. Get up from bed, skip my way to school, draw sunny skies and bunnies all day, eat waffles for lunch and then go home and have no responsibilities. Just play and laugh all day. Never having to worry about anything. I could even have all the imaginary friends I'd want - without being called a weirdo. I'd call them funny, strange names like Leikny, Hagfrid and Hugo.. Meh. How I miss those blissful moments.


So I had my 5-hour science exam today. I really wonder how that went.. I was sitting up last night, it was about a quarter after midnight. Everything was so silent and dark. I love that.. I always turn off most of the electricity and light candlelights when I'm alone.. So calming. The only noticable sound was from the creaky chair I was sitting on. My cheap chair from IKEA. So.. 300 pages to read + labrapports. English homework. Laundry. Spanish homework. I turned on the tv and The Score was on.. Edward Norton. Homework. Edward Norton. Homework. Edward Norton. Homew.. Edward Norton! So there I was.. watching the movie. Miserably failing to do anything of my supposed work. I get distracted too easily. Can't help it.

Too confused and distracted right now. That's me in a nutshell. I guess I just need to grow up.. Start getting my life straight. I need to focus and speed up a bit. I guess I'm living in this slow, syrupy world where everything goes after my own paste. Everyone is walking peacefully around, listening to Bob Marley and eating cotton candy. Maybe not quite. I hate cotton candy.

But it's a nice world. A good place to be. I promise.

But for once in my life, I've actually done something about my problem. I will slow down. Things are going to slow down. Seriously. Thursday morning, baby. I am saying au revoir to school for a while, packing some stuff and getting on a plane to Chile, South America. That is about as far away from Norway as you can possibly get. I can't waite.. for two weeks I'm just not gonna do anything. At all. Experience a different culture, meet new people and maybe see some beautiful places. Nothing more.

I'm excited. I get to do things when I want to and I get to do them my way. Ah.. I guess I'm just not ready to give up my dreamy, syrupy world. I like the sunny skies and the rabbits. Cotton candy is actually not that bad there either.

I'll give it up soon. Just not yet.

'Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.'


Just realized that my journal still said 'Merry Christmas'. My apologies..
I've been so busy with everything lately, there is no time for anything.

Everything is kind of in the grey zone right now. Nothing to smile for - nothing to cry about. Neutral is probably the word I'm looking for?

I'll update this shortly..